SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Has anyone taken the step to seek psychiatric help that's resulted in a depression diagnosis with medical treatment (medication)? I've just hit a wall where, I don't know what PTSD feels like, but it sure feels like I need to seek something beyond IC. Work has become a struggle as well as just wild intrusive thoughts and mood swings. The strange thing is that our R is going relatively well all things considered but as I've told my WS multiple times, I need to continue to focus on my health/happiness first and it's been a real struggle (3+ years post DDay 2...same event just trickle truthed). I hate relying on medication to fix my brain but wondering if anyone else out there took that step and if it provided relief. I know it won't be a cure all and I'll still need to do therapy work.

I ended up on an anti-anxiety med for about a year to manage the stress. I was a MESS and it helped some. Others have done the same here- it’s pretty common. I was diagnosed depressed as well but it was situational- when I got off the M, I got better.

A few years later I did some other types of therapy (along the lines of ketamine) to help me with the PTSD and it helped. Expensive but effective for me. (I had a lot of trauma to deal with on top of the A, but i think most of us have trauma in our past and the A brings it all to the surface).

Many here have also used EMDR to help them manage the PTSD.

So many of us have had to seek help, and different things work for different people. Please seek the help you need to heal.

You honestly should not be worried about taking medication. 1) It needs to be taken to get you to a place where you deal with and think clearly about what you are dealing with. No shame in any way for that. 2) Lots of people take meds for depression, and I mean a lot. It is common in our society. Again, no shame.

If you start thinking clearly and deal with what is going on, divorce or not, you can get off of them if you want to. If you start working out regularly it will most definitely help with depression in the long run.

There is no shame or weakness taking meds to deal with this type of Trama.

The shame or weakness would be in NOT dealing with the depression and the infidelity.

Thanks. I appreciate that all. I have fallen victim to the sexist notion that guys shouldn't ask for help like that. I laugh at a comedian who says guys are allowed to be angry or just OK...anything else is not manly. Obviously a generalization and has changed over the years but did make me chuckle because of that nugget of truth that starts all of our common stereotypes. I made my appointment today because of this forum, so thank you all! I explained to my WW and it was good to feel her own some of this and also support it. I hate calling it PTSD for the same reasons I mention above. There are people who have experienced horrific physical and mental harm that I'm not sure I could work through yet I'm working through this. Not sure if that means this is easier, just different, that I'm strong enough to get through trauma or a little bit of each of these. Probably the latter and I'm starting to accept that. Just because you didn't serve in the military or suffer abuse during your childhood doesn't mean that this isn't some form of PTSD. I'm realizing trauma is not black and white but a spectrum and it's dependent entirely on the individual...that's OK and if folks want to judge, well IDGAF . I'm getting help for something that's traumatized ME, maybe it wouldn't for someone else (although I can't understand how it wouldn't).

Bos,
I want you to rethink trauma. It may be true that you did not have a horrific event like a soldier might that results in **TRAUMA!!**. instead your trauma is a nasty sneaky version. For 10+years your entire nervous system has felt threatened and was on high alert. 10 years! It never got a rest. It had to deal with DDAY and then your body knew something didn’t add up and until DDAY2, your system was waiting for the other shoe to drop. And then your system was like "See! I knew it! The danger was there! Stay on high alert!"

So a bomb was dropped on your M and then a cease-fire called. But the conflict wasn’t resolved because you didn’t have the full truth and your system could feel this. That is why it is PTSD. Your system doesn’t know HOW to relax yet. As your trust in your WS grows, then your system will settle down. But it is exhausted and twitchy and seeing danger around every corner. This will take TIME and effort to work through.

I am glad you are seeing a doctor. You might also read the book "The Body Keeps Score.". This kind of stuff does a number on our entire system and affects our health in a lot of ways.

Take care of yourself and leave those old stupid gender role expectations behind. You are a human, and regardless of gender, we all feel all the emotions and get hurt. Pretending you are okay doesn’t make you okay. Pretending it doesn’t hurt doesn’t make it not hurt.

You are strong and will get through this. Focus on you, and let your WS know what you need from her to help you feel safe.

I am retired Army and have received treatment for PTSD. I'll second the EMDR suggestion; with the added endorsement from my daughter, who's a psychiatric nurse.
Don't belittle your pain by trying to compare it to Soldiers and first responders. Trauma is trauma, and what your wife did to you by stealing your agency for so long IS trauma. Honestly, I think I handled my combat experience better than I would have handled my wife suddenly admitting she slept with some douchenozzle years ago and lying to my face about it. The military at least does what it can to train you and prepare you for that. Plus, there's a ton of resources we can turn to for help. You also don't have to turn on a random sitcom and sit through a laughtrack mocking Soldiers returning from combat like some do in mocking victims of infidelity.
You're right to be angry, but you do need to work it out so that you can reclaim your life for you.
I'll also add that going to his spouse now won't get you anywhere. It won't erase what your wife did to you. Best to flush that POS away and move out.

Yes, and I don’t care who knows. I ended up taking medication shortly after DDay. I had a pretty traumatic upbringing, but that for another online forum. I’d never considered medication before as I thought everyone felt that way….that was my normal. Turns out, it gives me the extra bandwidth to deal with keep my head above water when dealing with the inevitable hard parts of life. I’m still on it and may be for the rest of my life. Some people have cancer, I have anxiety and depression. The A shook me beyond anything I ever experienced before.

Through healing, I learned that I had PTSD from childhood experiences. All of the terrible feelings of unworthiness were stirred up in the aftermath of DDay. EMDR was a game changer for me. Went in for A trauma, came out healing that and much more. Give yourself the grace to put all your needs first. Do whatever you have to do to heal yourself.