SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If 50 million marriages effected by infidelity have a 15 percent reconciliation rate long term, that’s still 750,000 reconciled couples.

That means the odds are 3 to 17 at least that’s what chatgpt tells me. I think 50 million is a lowball estimate but since the percentage used is always the same so are the odds.

Odds of winning the jackpot in powerball are 1 in 292,201,338.

However, I doubt we have any way to know what statistics to believe. I have never been asked what my marital outcome is, and I have never heard any of you saying you have been surveyed. And I have to say I am in the minority in the people I know who experienced infidelity in their marriage who even went to therapy so they aren’t factored in either. I know plenty still married that shouldn’t be, so I am not trying to paint a rosy picture I am just saying no one has a crystal ball and statistics on this are sketchy at best.

I would also have no idea how many of those successful reconciliations are with serial cheaters but we do have many members here who are reconciled with one. We also have a ton of members here who got raked over the coals until they decided to get out. And a lot of members who rugswept and just stayed married for their own reasons. .

I am pretty sure if reading here is any evidence that in the high majority of cases the bs will try for R. It’s such a shock that they don’t know even how to begin processing it. I don’t think statistics can really dictate where any new member will fall. I would say in a case like this your odds are lower than in other cases, but it’s not impossible. I know some wish they had the hard hitting advice, but I sincerely wonder if anyone is prepared to follow it out of the gate.

I tend to agree with Sissoon statistics really do not come into play in an individual circumstance. Too many variables.

Practical advice to me is rarely different- focus on yourself, try and detach from an outcome so you can get objective, and if you want to try and reconcile don’t sign up for it until there has been a significant amount of consistency.

Neva, I hope you will stay, there is a lot of collective wisdom here and I know many are like me and feel that this group came in clutch when it was needed. Right now you are in shock, and it may help to check out the just found out forum. There is a healing library in the left too.

[This message edited by hikingout at 12:12 AM, Thursday, May 15th]

Thank you! I appreciate all the comments. I will be taking many walk in the parks. Every one of your insights and helpful guidance is so welcome.

I am in a one day at a time mode.

I did want to share something more about me.

I have been through some challenging times in the past including a 17 year struggle of seeing my brother loose his life to addiction. During this time I saw my parents fight tooth n nail for him, i saw us suffering financially and with so much social stigma and violence at home, yet they never gave up on him. They saw him as their child who has a difficult disease and they would never fail him. I was in tow just 14 years old when it all started seeing and coping with everything. At that time it was like there is no choice, you don’t give up on your family so I managed to deal with all that was at home, yet went to school, got an education, built a career, got married. My parents did the absolute best they could for me all the while.

And while my parents lost the battle to save my brother, I see them today living and finding peace in life and joy in my kids.

To find myself today facing a husband who is likely an addict as well brings a special kind of pain back.

But I do feel I have some role models in my parents. They have survived the ultimate loss! I hope I can find the same strength to survive.

You certainly can survive this regardless of which way forward you choose.

I came from a chaotic and abusive home and wanted far better for my own marriage and home. It was not to be in my first marriage....just more pain born of betrayal and the chaos that comes with it.

When that chapter ended, I found a woman, also a betrayal survivor, with whom we have built the marriage and family Ive always wanted. Oh, there was a lot (years) of hard work involved, mostly in the form of individual therapy, and that was extremely helpful.

Again, as you have heard, there are folks here that have chosen to reconcile with truly remorseful WS's and remain happily married.

I can attest that you can do more than survive, you can thrive.