Arae- Taking it one day at a time.
Am I losing my mind?
It's been 4 months since finding out about my WH's EAs. Things move forward, life continues on, and the EAs were starting to feel more distant, but my heart is always waiting for the next shoe to drop. I wonder if I am being too controlling now, telling my WH he's not allowed to see certain people or go to certain places. Have I lost my mind in the process of trying to find it? I'm not entirely sure what my expectations are anymore. Everything seems like a mess of boundaries, more mistakes, and pain. I suppose I just expect him to be a decent human being, someone who is respectful and cares about his family.
Every week, it seems, I find out something else that reopens the wound. But, instead of getting sad, I seem to be getting angrier and angrier. The slightest thing will set me off, and I am yelling and telling him I want a divorce. Perhaps I do.
He had told me he was going to book into therapy, but he didn't- that is, until I lost it. He told me he would order "Not just Friends", he didn't- until I lost it (which by the way is sitting untouched on the coffee table. "I'll start tomorrow," he keeps telling me).
Last week, my WH had to run out to meet a friend before our camping trip. My WH told me he would only be 20 minutes- just there and back. An hour later, he calls stating that he was on his way home, and that he wanted to chat with his buddy a bit as he hasn't been hanging out with him. I asked him where he was and he told me that he was at the casino. Now, the Casino was a place that I asked him not to attend anymore, especially with this friend in particular. For obvious reasons, as well as the fact that this is where he and his EAP would meet up while he was out with this friend. I immediately flew off the handle. It was a mistake. I didn't think it was a big deal, I didn't have any drinks, and there were no girls there.
While camping last weekend with childhood friends of mine, we were all at a restaurant. Who walks in, this friend with his gf alongside one of the EAPs (see this EAP is best friends with said friends GF). My WH was thrilled to see them all and ran over to greet them and embrace them. I found it strange that this group would be in the same city as us, at the same restaurant. But he says he had no idea they were there. On the way out, his EAP came over and was talking about work she needed done at her complex, which is when I realized this woman was still in his life and would continue to be.
Then yesterday, he called me and confessed he had gone to a pub to meet his buddy who was in town with his new gf. Fine. The issue is that the pub they met at is where one of his EAPs best friends work. This best friend was a big part of the problem, enabling the EAP, as well as facilitating it. Again, I lost my mind. I've never been much of a yeller, or someone grumpy and angry... but this whole situation has changed my brain chemistry. She (the EAPs best friend) asked him why he took her off his socials, and he disclosed that I made him because I felt that she did not respect our marriage. Again, I lost it. I just cannot for the life of me understand how these things continue to happen. I feel like it is a complete lack of respect for our marriage, myself, and my feelings. He felt proud for telling her that I felt she had disrespected our marriage and wanted me to praise him. Yet, he went somewhere I asked him specifically not to go, full well knowing that the best friend was there, and decided to have a conversation with her about how I FELT she disrespected our marriage. On top of all of this, while camping, another woman he was being flirtatious with, who he was supposed to block, messaged him Happy birthday. He responded, "Thanks babe" and deleted the message. Every time I get upset and every time he begs me to forgive him that he has just "made a mistake" and that I am overreacting. How many mistakes can one person make before it is just pure ignorance in the guise of a mistake?
I feel like I am going crazy. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I am so sick and tired of his bs. I have complete disdain for him; he's turned this loving, carefree, trusting woman into a complete disaster. Am I overreacting or is this absolute crap?! Am I being overly sensitive here or do I have grounds to be upset? I know sometimes there will be things out of his control that happen, but I feel these things were very much in his control and decisions he made.
2 comments posted: Friday, July 4th, 2025
Months After Finding Out About Multiple Emotional Affairs
Three months ago I found out my husband was having multiple, at the very least, emotional affairs for at least 8 months. My story is in my bio. He swears nothing physical ever happened and that it was just stupid flirtation and ego. We have couples counseling and individual counseling set up for next week. After asking my husband for disclosure and not receiving anything viable, I decided to go through his phone, again, a couple of nights ago. While I did not find anything recent from the women that he was talking to prior, I did see that he had lied about other things.
When I found out that he was inviting/meeting women at his weekly activity, he instantly told me he would quit the league and did even though they were in finals. I found it strange that the rest of his team also quit, but he said it was due to not having a player to fill his spot. Last week, while at our child's school fun fair, he ran into a friend of his who was on an opposing team for his weekly activity, he told me there was a rumor going around that his whole team got kicked out of the league. He told me that this was not true. I didn't think much of it, but while going through his phone, I read a message between himself and a woman who worked at the establishment. Essentially, he stated that their team had been kicked out, and banned from the establishment. She responded that a server was also fired and she was giving her notice as she had gotten another job at a golf course. He asked if she golfed, she responded no, he then went on to tell her that they should go golfing together, that he would pay and teach her. Now, I don't know this woman, but I had heard her name months prior when he told me she had asked him to help serve her ex custody papers. I asked him why he would get involved in this situation when he didn't know her or their situation, and he said he felt obligated because she asked.
I also searched the multiple women's names in his text messages to see if there was any communication recently. There was not, that I could see, but I did find one between his friend and himself. The message stated that he had ran into one of the women. Disgustingly, he said that she was "lit and looking for d*ck". His friend, enabling his gross behavior, told him to f*ck her, to which he stated "I told her tonight its on". Mind you, this happened before I found out... but it still makes me feel like something more was going on then just "hanging out" as he says. I did confront the women, who all reiterated that nothing happened and it was just flirtation, or friendly. Although, these women are all also married with children. So why would they blow up their lives to be truthful to me.
I am flabbergasted. I have not confronted him, nor have I told him I went through his phone again. When I originally found out he told me that he wanted full transparency going forward and gave me free reign to go through his phone if I felt the need to. But, I cant help but feel he is still up to his old tricks. Additionally, I fear he may just be better at hiding his inhibitions.
Should I confront him or should I compile all the information and go through it in couples counseling? We don't ever get anywhere when I do confront him, he just says "I'm sorry, I love you so much, I'm an idiot, I swear nothing physical ever happened". I'm tired of hearing it. Its bs if you ask me. The type of women that these are, some having quite the pasts, I am seriously concerned about STIs if anything more did happen, so knowing what I know now, I will be getting tested next week. I don't know what my plans are at this point, if I will stay in the relationship or if I will separate. The only thing I do know is that I do not believe him or trust him. I feel its a cycle and a character flaw on his part.
15 comments posted: Thursday, June 5th, 2025
