Resentment

So interesting little tiff with the wife yesterday. I've been away for two weeks for work. Before that I was on a project that went for a month of very long days and weekends. Before that we were dealing with the passing of my father. The perfect storm. It was brewing. I believe it started about the use of a snowblower and escalated to the resentment we each had for things in the past. I've noticed in the last year that we have very different views on where the accountability lays. I have stated that I take full responsibility for my part in our marriage tanking before the affair. But I do not take any for her poor coping skills. She said that my actions caused the affair. She said it when she was really angry. The lightbulb in my head goes off and I think"There is how you really feel" No bullshit, no political answer, just the true feeling. Like I didn't know she felt like that. She just would never say it. But always sort of alluded to it. She apologized after and said that She was responsible for her actions. But it's 10 years later and this crap still comes up. The resentment kind of lives under the surface. Its funny how you think you let it go. But a few harsh words and it comes gushing out like a waterfall. After this many years of marriage there is bound to be some resentment. There is always more work to do on ourselves and our marriage but I think your always going to have some sort of resentment regardless of what side of the affair you were on. It's inevitable with betrayal. But as always. Some days I'm committed to my spouse. Some days I'm committed to my marriage. Some days I'm committed to my commitment. How does everyone else deal with their resentment?

0 comment posted: Tuesday, December 16th, 2025

WS Therapy Sessions

I’m like 11 years out. But something I always was wondering. What do the ws talk about in IC. Is it about why the did it or do they actually talk about what they did? I did ask my wife about it but she was not very descriptive of it. I know mine was more of describing her past and some of mine but it really focused on her behaviour. Any insight from
any waywards?

3 comments posted: Sunday, September 21st, 2025

Interesting Conversation 10 years later

My wife (WS)said the other day how happy she was that we did the work and stayed in our marriage. I thought about that for a bit before I responded. I then said. I had a very different experience than you did during and after the affair. None of it was good. And it negatively changed me. Now I know all the optimists will look for the cup being half full but for me I could have really not gone through that. I kind of think of it as the time she finally started getting her shit together. Does anybody this far out kind of feel the same? When you look back you kind of think "What the fuck were you thinking? I find she really has changed for the better and seems to have finally gotten it. But I find I became hardened and like the Matrix I ate the pill and reality set in on how screwed up my wife and her AP was. I ended up telling her . Sure things are better but if it was up to me I would have skipped the entire experience. It’s like they forget how bad it was.

14 comments posted: Thursday, September 26th, 2024