gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 8:18 PM on Saturday, June 27th, 2026
I do believe she's remorseful and feels really, truly guilty for what's happened
I’m sorry OP. It still seems you’re equating feeling guilty with remorse. It’s not. Feeling guilty is her being focussed on herself. Feeling guilty is not remorse, but instead regret. I urge you to do a deep dive on true remorse.
Here’s a start: true remorse would be her focusing on YOUR pain.
It’s your life, and ofc you’re in charge of your decisions, but understanding what true remorse looks like is absolutely essential to evaluate whether she actually is a good candidate for R. Downplay this at your peril.
[This message edited by gr8ful at 8:20 PM, Saturday, June 27th]
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 8:21 PM on Saturday, June 27th, 2026
All decisions made by human beings are based on the deciding human being's feelings.
Logic is the servant of our feelings.
All decisions come down to, 'I want THIS.'
Just sayin'....
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
d-day - 12/22/2010 Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
petecarparts (original poster member #87404) posted at 2:57 PM on Monday, June 29th, 2026
You are right, we all have a choice.
I have to remember that I have a choice here too. I know it's not my fault if I decide to break things off and separate. I woke up this morning and thought "if he's still in the picture, even in the smallest way and I find out, I'm done". A second chance is one thing, a third chance? I don't think I could give that.
For those here who have had multiple d-day discoveries with their partners and have reconciled, how did that make you feel? How did you handle it? I'm not saying that this is the case in my situation, I'm just curious.
gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 7:48 PM on Monday, June 29th, 2026
"if he's still in the picture, even in the smallest way and I find out, I'm done". A second chance is one thing, a third chance? I don't think I could give that.
That’s an excellent boundary. But then you immediately hint your boundaries are squishy:
For those here who have had multiple d-day discoveries with their partners and have reconciled, how did that make you feel? How did you handle it?
If you set a boundary, and then surrender it when it’s violated, you will lose whatever respect she ever had for you. I pray you’ll come to see the importance of not only setting firm boundaries but KEEPING them should they be tested.
petecarparts (original poster member #87404) posted at 9:02 PM on Monday, June 29th, 2026
Thank you for that.
The boundary's been set. I essentially gave her an ultimatum, if he's around at all, ever I'm out.
Second chances are one thing, third chances? No way.
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 10:21 PM on Monday, June 29th, 2026
Have you reviewed the text messages and communications from the affair?
