SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm too sickened to eat and sleep. Can't stop crying. How long did it take you to at least get to that point?

Hi there, ShockedShattered. I'm so sorry you're going through this nightmare.

Before I answer your question, please understand that what you're experiencing is quite normal. The betrayal of infidelity is a profound shock and a severe emotional and psychological trauma. It hits hard and it hits deep.

If I remember correctly, it took me a few months to recover from the initial shock. I lost over 30lbs in about two or three months (of course, those pounds found me again). Try to eat small, healthy foods whenever you can. Even if it's just a couple of carrots, a bagel or some eggs. You need to keep up your strength.

Sleep was also elusive. I tried a mild OTC sleep aid. It worked, sort of. It's just that the anxiety was constantly there and even a good night's sleep didn't help that much. I'd suggest making an appointment with your PCP and let him/her know exactly what is going on in your life. Chances are they've heard it before and can make some good recommendations.

We often talk about the "rollercoaster" around here. It's a shitty ride! Constant ups and downs and twists and turns. My emotions could change at the drop of a hat, from bawling to rage, bewilderment to moments of clarity, from a desperate need for connection to feelings of utter revulsion... all in a single evening.

I couldn't function. I'd go from one room to another with purpose and by the time I got to the next room I'd forgotten why I'd gone there. I'd start a simple project, like unloading the dishwasher, and end up side tracked and completely forget what I was doing.

All of this craziness is a perfectly natural response to the shock and trauma.

It does get better. I promise. You WILL recover. It just takes time.

Posting here helped. Talking to an old friend who had gone through something similar also helped. Taking long walks or bike rides in nature helped. Hitting the gym helped. Journalling helped. Breaking shit helped.

Time helped.

You'll get there, sister.

Focus on you.

I remember that I barely ate for the first 2 weeks. I remember I lost something like 15 lbs immediately.

I understand that you feel sick and you don't feel hungry but at the same time, you're only punishing yourself by not giving your body and mind the fuel it needs. And you don't need any more punishment! If you can't eat, at least try some protein drinks. There is no shame in seeing a doctor for some help to sleep.

We've all been there. You are literally shocked and shattered. It's normal to cry. It's normal to be confused and angry and sad and everything in between. I think the only time I kept it together is when I went to work and just concentrated on something else.

Those first weeks are so horrible. It took a long time. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. Was shaking all the time and dropped a huge amount of weight practically overnight. The infidelity diet is horrific.

It takes effort to eat well. Protein shakes are really helpful - they help replace the water you lose from crying and get you some nutrients. Sip on those throughout the day.

As for crying - i was a mess. I used to keep a spreadsheet open on my desk and put check marks for every 15 minutes I survived without crying. I truly had to make it 15 minutes at a time. It did get better, but took longer than I hoped. It also negatively impacted my job, so be careful with that. Some folks can make "deals"with themselves that they can cry once a day or in the shower… I cried in the car a lot. A lot.

See your doctor is sleep continues to be elusvie. Apps like Calm helped my sleep - meditations or sleep stories helped my brain stop spiraling as much. Daily exercise helps, too. Some people exercise to exhaustion so they just collapse into sleep, but any amount of exercise will help.

Hang in there. You will get through this.

I wasn’t living with her as we were on a international long distance relationship, so wayward girlfriend was confronted (denying but when you feel you know) when I went to her for our scheduled visit usually 1-2 weeks in length (of course her AP cared so much he had no problem with her sleeping with the "other guy" me, her boyfriend , he just took the chance to indulge sometime with prostitutes while she was busy with me).

So my process was, ice cold internal death, holding up not to show her my deep pain, a screaming from the deepest of the soul as soon as I was alone (she went to work) about 1-2 hours, booking the flight back immediately and leave.

3 days no eating, just sleeping pause only for water and physiological functions.
Then I think about a week with very low appetite but I was recovering from the initial shock.

Around the 2 weeks mark I was able to feed myself regularly. Not much pleasure as far as I can remember, but I wouldn’t let myself go wasted just because I discovered human wastes.

I have no idea if you are still around your abuser, is probably much harder.
Distance heals you better.

Thank you all for responding. It helps to know that you reacted that way too. I'm doing my best to force myself to eat and drink water and breathe. I'm doing my best to put on an act for the kids. It is so hard to live life like it's all ok when I am so devastated. Work is a good distraction.